Hello Droogz and Diamonds,
First, I want to say Thank you. For following, commenting, liking and sharing. The support means a lot to me. I am grateful for you.
This post is a personal one but if anyone knows me knows I am an open book and I’m willing to share about my life.
Recently, someone has asked why I haven’t put any of my wattpad stories up or added more chapters to the ones that I have already publish and there is only one answer to that.
When it comes to my writing, I have a problem. It’s a self-confidence, fear and mental problem.
I have don’t have self-confidence in my writing. I have been writing since I was a child and I have a problem when it comes to my grammar. I’ve always had an issue with Grammar and because of this, it has turned into fear. I am afraid of putting any of my writing out there and have readers be too critical on something I know it’s an issue. It does get annoying when people tell me my writing is shit and it’s not readable. It gets so discouraging that I just stopped.
There are other outlets like Grammarly, Prowriting aid, fictionary that can help me but these useful tools have to be paid for but for someone who is unemployed, I can use whatever sources I can for free.
It’s also hard for me to concentrate. I recently, notice that I have the motivation, I’m ready to write, then all of a sudden I’m not focused. I looked online to see what it can be and I realized (I am self-diagnosing this. I’m not saying this is true) I might have depression. I can see this being true. There are times where I have all my thoughts together and I’m interested and all of a sudden I’m not motivated anymore. I really try but it’s just I don’t know. Part of it is my anxiety. Also, it’s been past experiences that turned me off on a lot of things I was passionate about before. Now it’s just been hard.
There was one incident that did happen to me that really just made not want to work with people. So I was hired by someone who I thought was my friend to be a director for a short film called Dog Eat Dog. At the time this friend lived in Texas. I live in New York. He wanted me to pull a team together to where we can make this film happen. I agreed as long as I got a credit as a producer to which he agreed. Long story short, the film was never made. I dropped out of the project and my team didn’t want to continue to film without me. My “friend” (see how I used quotation marks) bashed the shit out of me through emails. He owed me money to which til this day he owes me $25. He also took my story that I have made short films of and created a book out of it, self-published it then turns around and tells everyone I stole his idea. This man is the real reason why I will never do anything film related and if I am it’s going to be with people I deeply trust.
With now having Kids, I want to get back into film and writing. I want to show my kids that no matter how tough things get just keep it going, to able to go forth with your passion and to be able to work with people who are just as passionate as you.
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Be Kind, Stay Pretty